Something to read at night

Day Out

Took River to the London aquarium today with her honorary uncle (i.e. the bestie) which was a great day out. Her favourites were the penguins and the turtles mainly because both of them took a liking to her face and followed it wherever she moved. Got a magnet from the gift shop for the fridge and an octopus plushie for the little one. Good day!

“Dear future child
If it’s 3am and you find yourself in a world of complete despair
Please do not turn to strangers on the internet for solace as I did
Please climb onto my bed
And I will hold you until the demons sleep
If it is Thursday morning and you are too sad to move
I won’t force you
I will buy ice cream and we will watch your favourite tv show and I will remind you of your importance
If you feel as if you have no purpose
I will remind you that you were created entirely with love and every pain you feel, I feel too
When you’re sure you can’t go on anymore
I will tell you that when I was 21 I searched for peace at the bottom of a vodka bottle chased by a bottle of pain killers
But that five years later
When you were placed in my arms in the delivery room
I realised that you were why I had been holding on
Without realising it, you saved me, do you know how amazing that is?
So if you ever feel like grabbing that vodka bottle, put it down, we will get in the car and I will drive until the sky turns magenta
I will show you how the sun rises every morning to encourage you to rise too
Sweetheart I refuse to be unaware of your sufferings
As my mother was to mine.”

—   

(via be-fearless-brave-and-kind)

My mother was actually pretty good compared to most parents but this still stands for my daughter :)

(via spookkybarnes)

lazerscythe said: Oh. That’s a little more sentimental than my story. I heard ‘Mercy Seat’ on a trailer for Prison Break then looked up the artist…..

hahaha Nothing wrong with that! Most of the other music I listen to comes from video game/film/TV show soundtracks originally because I’m too lazy to try and find new music on my own.

lazerscythe said: I wish I was older, I didn’t know of Johnny Cash or his music before 2005. And I probably wouldn’t have appreciated it as much as I do now. Really sad I missed seeing him live.

Someone else can share my pain! I was always exposed to Cash as my German grandfather listened to him a lot but I didn’t really get into him properly until 2009. I was going through a lot and stumbled upon him singing some hymns and the rest is history. Like his other music now too but will always have a soft spot for the gospel he did, despite being completely non-religious haha

Anonymous said: How about 6 (What is your favorite video game console? Why?), and 17 (If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?)?

Ooh anon be mysterious!

6. What is your favourite video game console? Why?
If we’re not counting PC then it’d have to be XBox360 because it’s the only other one I’ve played for extended periods of time haha PC will always be my preference though because of easy modding, better graphics etc.

17. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
If any means alive OR dead then hands down Johnny Cash in a very small blues bar playing quiet hymns and some of his less rock n roll tracks. I am still heartbroken I never got to see him play before he died.

Interesting asks please?

1. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it?

2. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectedly turned up pregnant right this second?

3. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free?

4. Is there a color shirt you’d NEVER wear?

5. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it?

6. What is your favorite video game console? Why?

7. Do you like vanilla candles?

8. Have you ever been in a relationship that was going great, and then suddenly something weird happened and you just KNEW it was going to be over soon?

9. Would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde?

10. What are your plans for tomorrow?

11. What did you have for breakfast?

12. Have you had sex in 2014 yet?

13. Who last slept in your bed besides you?

14. What time did you wake up today?

15. How long until your next birthday?

16. What was the last movie you watched?

17. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?

18. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter?

19. What’s the last song you heard?

20. When you say you love someone, do you mean it?

21. Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?

22. Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?

23. As of this minute, what is going through your mind?

24. Where’s the last place you went?

25. Have you held hands with anyone lately?

26. Has anyone let you down recently?

27. Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?

28. Whats the next movie you want to see in theaters?

29. Do you have more than $50 in your room?

30. Are both of your blood parents still in your life?

31. Were you tired when you woke up this morning?

32. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

33. When was the last time you went apple picking?

34. Do you sometimes wake up in the morning, lay in bed and think about life?

35. Are you happy summer is coming soon?

36. Do you have drama in your life?

Please ask me some guys, I'll love you forever ^_^

Anonymous said: Do you like snakes?

This is such a random question that I only assume it’s meant to be a euphemism. If it is, then no.

If you’re talking about actual reptiles then I’m indifferent. They’re fun to hold but I wouldn’t have the energy or time to keep one myself.

Have a few recent(ish) photos of us as a bonus!

Motivation!

Hello new followers! (And old ones who haven’t seen me post regularly for quite a while!) Thanks for sticking by me through the drought.

I’ve been especially busy and tired taking care of the little one and trying to get my life together in terms of mental health, housing, education etc. but I’ve realised all of these are ongoing issues that won’t be solved any time soon so there’s no sense going on blogging hiatus for a couple of years waiting until things are “perfect”.

For new followers:

My name is Mia. I’m 21 years old and a single mother to an amazing (nearly) 21 month old called River. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression. I identify as female in terms of gender and panromantic asexual in terms of relationships. I generally stick to personal posts but also occasionally reblog things related to mental health, motherhood, asexuality, domestic violence and sexual assault as all of these are relevant to my life experiences. I occasionally blog about personal traumas but I always put trigger warnings in bold at the top of the posts as I know how awful it is to be unintentionally triggered. If I ever miss a personal trigger and it distresses you I would take no offence at being told so I know to use it in future.

Always happy to receive asks and start online friendships so don’t feel shy. Look forward to blogging regularly again!

These girls aren’t wounded so much as post-​wounded, and I see their sisters everywhere. They’re over it. I am not a melodramatic person. God help the woman who is. What I’ll call “post-​wounded” isn’t a shift in deep feeling (we understand these women still hurt) but a shift away from wounded affect: These women are aware that “woundedness” is overdone and overrated. They are wary of melodrama, so they stay numb or clever instead. Post-​wounded women make jokes about being wounded or get impatient with women who hurt too much. The post-​wounded woman conducts herself as if preempting certain accusations: Don’t cry too loud; don’t play victim. Don’t ask for pain meds you don’t need; don’t give those doctors another reason to doubt. Post-​wounded women fuck men who don’t love them and then they feel mildly sad about it, or just blasé about it; they refuse to hurt about it or to admit they hurt about it—​or else they are endlessly self-​aware about it, if they do allow themselves this hurting.

The post-​wounded posture is claustrophobic: jadedness, aching gone implicit, sarcasm quick on the heels of anything that might look like self-​pity. I see it in female writers and their female narrators, troves of stories about vaguely dissatisfied women who no longer fully own their feelings. Pain is everywhere and nowhere. Post-​wounded women know that postures of pain play into limited and outmoded conceptions of womanhood. Their hurt has a new native language spoken in several dialects: sarcastic, jaded, opaque; cool and clever. They guard against those moments when melodrama or self-​pity might split their careful seams of intellect, expose the shame of self-​absorption without self-​awareness.

—   

Leslie Jamison, “Grand Unified Theory of Female Pain” (via fleeten)

Ugh this made me too self aware. Damn you -_-

(Source: et--cetera, via pearlsandink)